Thoughts on Another Child

We are considering the adoption process again.

This is likely to take a year or so as we must get our finances back in order and prepare a place for a child in our home.  Not nearly as fun as making one yourself, but worth every bit of heart-growth.

A precious friend offered me sage advice when I announced that we would be considering another child. She talked to me about how she felt when she was going to have her second and her fears about not being able to love that child as much as her toddler son. I was moved to tears but couldn't figure out exactly what was the trigger.

After a few days of thinking about my reaction, I realized the truth. I had already experienced the fear that I couldn't love as much as before. During our time of ministry at Westview Boys' Home, I fell deeply in love. The boys who lived in our home, with whom we cared for animals, for whom we advocated and at times disciplined: those boys were my "oldest." I didn't know if I could love our forever son as much as the dozens of boys I loved so deeply. The boys (now men) to whom I have no legal or biological connection, no technical responsibility, fill my heart in ways I cannot fully verbalize.

It is kind of odd to love so deeply those you knew for a relatively short time and don't have frequent contact. Yet it is a peak into the Heart of God, I believe.

The ones in jail, the ones in prison, the ones in college, the ones married, the ones indiscriminately making babies, the ones lost, the ones living straight, the ones passed on, the ones whose coping skills have turned into homemade prison walls, I love you all. So. Very. Much.

Knowing you has made me a better woman, wife, mama, friend.
Knowing you has made me more compassionate, stubborn, determined people know they are loved.