Howdy again, you ones of people who stumble upon my thoughts. I have been chewing on several things lately, ruminating is the fancy word for it.
I started exercising tonight. I don't know if I will be able to move tomorrow or even do this more than just tonight. However, I am on a path of some sort.
I will be honest with you oh abyss. I am not sure if I am meant to have children. I do not pretend that I am the best counselor around. Sometimes, I am sure I am not even that good at all. However, I know that I am doing what I need to be doing right now. I am not sure about introducing a child into that mix. What if this is what I am supposed to be doing and a child would distract from my meant-to-be? I don't say that becasue I am discouraged or depressed (though I am tired from the Eliptical). I really wonder about that. We will still try to conceive and my heart aches in a way indescribable. But what if this is really what I am meant for and not to be a parent. Some of this mental meandering is a result of my inability to imagine being anything but a full-time stay-at-home mom. My life's mind has always pictured that I would be one of the extremes or another. I am not, and that is still odd to me at times.
Any others who share my thinking or have any direction for me?
There are other things I have been thinking about. They are too heavy for me after that one. I am bound for a brush of the teeth, wash of the face, shower and crashing. That also means, for me, folding laundry, reading, checking my to-do list, and THEN maybe falling into bed! Oh well, another day of needing to be the Proverbs 31 woman just to make it through...
Ok...first...yeah I hadnt realized (or more likely - I forgot!) that you're an Okie now. I was still thinking east TX. Duh!I think what you're pondering about (if you're meant to have kids) is worthy of thinking about. NOT saying that you're not meant to have them...just that considering it and thinking about it shows that you are looking for what God wants for you and not just what you want for you. And that is some spiritual maturity! Wow!Sorry that I dont have any great words of wisdom on it, but Beth Moore addresses this some. She has talked about how some women who dont have physical offspring have many, many spiritual offspring. I know I cant put it quite like she does. So if you want me to find where exactly she talks about it let me know and I'll try to find it.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Ok...so I just couldnt resist the Okie comment! ;o) That's just too funny! Dont worry, I know you're still a Texan through and through.
ReplyDeleteHey girl - Don't forget that the Prov. 31 woman had a full staff of servants! Don't expect everything from yourself in the same day!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on possessing certainly one of the refined blog I've arrived at in a minute!
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