Love

I have been thinking a lot lately about parenting. (Duh, I know) We have gone about the parenting business in an unconventional manner; there is no question about that. At 27, I had a boy to care for that was 18 as well as a couple of 16 year olds, a handful of 13-15 and some 12 year olds. I have learned about MS/HS Parent-Teacher conferences, puberty, launching into adulthood etc., without having had any experiential understanding of breastfeeding, cleaning up after toddlers, preparing for Kindergarten, etc. It has been an interesting ride.

I have loved every one of the guys we have had in our care. Some, of course, were easier to love than others. Some were easier to like. Some we just mourned their future with prayer that they accept the healing of Christ. We have known of the hurt and love and fear for children that are not ours legally or naturally. Lately, however, there have been other feelings arise that surprised me.

R has been gone for about a month now. It has been sort of nice to just be us again. Last night I got the opportunity to see him when he stopped by at the football game. I couldn’t stop just huggin’ on him and was interested in most all of what he had to say. I really, really missed him! Since launching a couple of guys, I am beginning to understand some of the feelings surrounding that process and the later ones as well. It is not the same as if I’d had him from birth, but it is quite strong.

I felt the same when congratulating a couple of the guys who are Seniors in Hollis at the last football game. I’ve been one-of-the-guys for much of my life, so I can watch football and not be worried if the guys are gonna hurt, etc. However, for the last several years, when one of my guys played, it was not about win or lose, but about if he got up slowly, is everyone safe, etc. The worst was when the team Hollis was playing had one of our former residents (still my boy in my heart) on the opposing team. I was a nervous wreck the whole game.

Last night, I wanted to hug a couple of my guys so tightly. I hugged hard and spoke encouraging words, but couldn’t come close to expressing what I really felt. This post is not doing a great job of it, either. I guess I have a deeper understanding of the idea that our children are your heart/or part of it walking around outside you body. However, I know that I am SO thankful that I have gotten the opportunity to be in the lives of my guys.